Pre-Session Negotiations: How to Build Safety and Depth Before Impact

Before any scene begins - before the first touch, and long before the first strike - there’s a moment of communication that sets the tone for everything that follows. This is the pre-screen talk: a short, focused check-in where two (or more people align) intentions, clarify boundaries and create the container for what’s about to happen. This is a crucial part of any sceen or session, a prelude of trust, safety and connection start to take form. Below you will find my “checklist”.

1. Set an Intention

People can enter an impact session for many reasons. Some seek a playful experience; others are drawn to a more meditative, massage-like state - sometimes as foreplay to what may follow… - while others approach it as a cathartic or even therapeutic encounter. Setting an intention together helps define the emotional landscape. The preparation and flow of a session differ greatly depending on whether you’re entering a space of sensuality or preparing the body to open and receive pain. When both partners understand the why, they can navigate the how with much greater clarity and shared expectation.

2. Boundaries and Limits

Every body and mind has its edges - some physical, some emotional. I usually begin by asking whether someone has previous experience with impact play, and if so, how it went. If it’s their first time, most people like to share their views on pain. In both cases, what I listen for is their subjective relationship to receiving pain, because it shapes their anticipation and, ultimately, their journey toward letting go.

I pay special attention to any fear of pain — because, as Master Yoda wisely said,

“Fear is the path to the dark side.”

And we certainly don’t want to turn sweet Sky Walkers into Dart Vaders, do we?

When people already have experience with flogging, they usually know what their bodies like and dislike. I listen closely and try to determine whether these are hard or soft limits. Hard limits are boundaries that are not open to negotiation, while soft limits can be explored gently, with consent and communication. If anything is unclear, I always check in.

Boundaries aren’t restrictions; they are the architecture of trust. They define where safety lives.

3. Reinforce Control and Flow

Even in power exchange dynamics, both partners should understand how control is maintained. Establishing this early prevents confusion and keeps the play grounded in consent. It also reinforces the essential principle that the receiver remains in control of their boundaries — a cornerstone of entering altered states of consciousness.

These are the communication systems I like to offer:

• The classic traffic light system:
  🟢 = continue
  🟡 = proceed with care (but see below for alternatives)
  🔴 = stop immediately

  Be aware that people define “orange / yellow” differently so always make sure you are on the same page as to what it means for the person. Here are some interpretations:

  • “I’m reaching my upper edge of comfort or tolerance - slow down, don’t increase intensity.”

  • “Something doesn’t feel quite right, but I don’t want to stop completely.”

  • “Stay here, or ease a little - I need to catch my breath / adjust / integrate.”

• The 1–10 scale:
  Here, 10 represents the absolute limit. It’s often helpful to discuss where the receiver wants to get to - typically 7 or 8.

• Because some people become non-verbal in altered states of consciousness, I also introduce an alternative non-verbal signal system. Typically, this is raising a hand when their pain tolerance limit is reached, but it could also be tapping a leg or another clear motion. I avoid signals that involve turning the head or making eye contact, as these can interfere with safety during impact delivery.

4. Consent for Markings

Marks are a natural part of many impact scenes — but their visibility and placement matter. It’s important to discuss whether marks are welcome, and if so, where they may or may not appear. Visible bruises can be inconvenient or inappropriate in professional or medical settings, so explicit consent helps keep everyone safe both during and after the scene.

Even with careful preparation and proper warm-up, markings can still occur. Their likelihood depends on individual biological factors - skin type, circulation, hydration, and tissue sensitivity - so it’s best to approach this with awareness rather than assumption.

5. Personalisation

No two people are alike. Personalising the scene acknowledges individuality and deepens intimacy - it’s the difference between mechanical play and embodied connection. Personalised communication is the key to take the play to the next level.

6. Framework: Sub/Dom?

Impact play doesn’t have to follow a power exchange (Dom/sub) framework. It can, of course - depending on your choice. But it’s generally a good idea to sets expectations and prevents unconscious role drift once adrenaline kicks in.

7. The role of sexuality

Sexuality can be part of impact play — or not at all. The erotic charge that often arises during a scene doesn’t always have to lead to sexual activity; it can simply be acknowledged as part of the body’s natural arousal response to intensity, rhythm, and connection. Discussing this openly helps set expectations and prevents assumptions. By naming the role of sexuality in advance, partners can stay present, clear, and attuned - allowing pleasure, energy, and emotion to move freely without confusion or pressure.

Keep in mind that a person in a deep altered state of consciousness is not in their capacity to consent in the moment. Any physical sexual activity must therefore be fully negotiated and agreed upon before the session begins, ensuring that both parties have given clear, informed consent in advance.

8. In Summary

The pre-screen talk may only take a few minutes, but it defines the emotional and physical landscape of the scene. It’s where safety meets artistry - where consent becomes co-creation. When done with presence, it transforms impact play from mere sensation into a conscious, co-created experience.