Pain Threshold Has Nothing to Do with Being a "Real" Masochist

The idea that "if you can't take large amounts of pain, you're not a true masochist" keeps reappearing in BDSM circles. I heard it many times when I first started my BDSM journey, and I still hear it from participants in my workshops today. The problem is that this belief is based on a misunderstanding of both pain and masochism. Masochism is not about enduring the highest possible amount of pain - it is about enjoying pain within the limits of your own body and nervous system.

And where those limits are is influenced by many factors, many of which are beyond your control.

We Don't All Experience the Same Pain

The International Association for the Study of Pain (IASP) defines pain as:

"An unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with, or resembling that associated with, actual or potential tissue damage."

One word in this definition is particularly important: experience. Pain is not an objective measurement, but a subjective experience created by the nervous system. This means that what feels intensely painful to one person may feel merely uncomfortable to another.

Modern pain research suggests that a substantial part of this variation is biological. Twin and family studies estimate that inherited factors account for roughly 30-60% of the differences in pain sensitivity between individuals, depending on the type of pain being studied (Nielsen et al., 2012; Cox, 2024).

In other words, some people are quite literally born more sensitive to pain than others.

Sensing of the Pain

Pain begins with specialized nerve endings called nociceptors. These receptors detect potentially harmful mechanical, thermal, or chemical stimuli and convert them into electrical signals that travel toward the brain. Even at this very first step of registering stimulus, people differ. Genetic variation influences how easily these receptors activate and how efficiently they transmit signals, i.e. via sodium channels, tiny molecular gates that allow pain signals to travel along nerve cells. Depending on the activity of those channels, the exact same stimulus may generate a stronger or weaker signal before the brain has even begun to process it.

The Nervous System Creates the Experience of Pain

A common misconception is that pain exists in the skin, muscles, or tissue itself. In reality, the nerves send information, but the brain creates the experience of pain. As pain signals arrive, the nervous system continuously evaluates them. How dangerous is this stimulus? Does it suggest actual or potential tissue damage? How much attention does it require? Is it a threat?

This idea forms the basis of the Gate Control Theory of Pain, first proposed by Melzack and Wall in 1965. The theory revolutionized our understanding of pain by suggesting that pain signals are not simply transmitted from the body to the brain. Instead, they are continuously filtered and modulated by the nervous system based on both sensory input and signals descending from the brain itself. In other words, pain is not something that happens to the brain. Pain is something the brain actively constructs from the information it receives.

Genetic differences influence many of the systems involved in this process, including dopamine signalling, endogenous opioid pathways, inflammatory responses (i.e. skin reactions), and the communication networks that connect different regions of the brain (Li et al., 2023).

As a result, two healthy people can receive exactly the same physical stimulus and still experience it very differently.

Pain Sensitivity Changes: Sensitisation and Adaptation

Pain sensitivity is not fixed: The nervous system is remarkably adaptable and continuously learns from experience.

Previous injuries, memories of painful experiences, inflammation or chronic pain conditions can all change how the nervous system responds to incoming signals: this process is called sensitization. The same stimuli becames (subjectively) more painful over time, simply because other factors (and parts of the nervous system) amplify the signal.

Then we have another, opposite direction: adaptation.

When the brain repeatedly learns that a painful stimulus is not actually dangerous, it may become less alarmed by similar sensations in the future. The signal is still there, but the nervous system becomes less likely to treat it as a threat. This is why people who train their nociceptors (a.k.a. experienced masochists) adapt to the pain and their threshold increases over time. They can take increasingly more pain without their brains sending them to survival mode: because their nervous system learned to process painful signals.

Your Body Produces Its Own Painkillers

Then we have the well-known system of the body’s built-in pain management system - many people in the BDSM community are familiar with this phenomenon, even if they don't use the scientific terminology. It is one of the biological mechanisms believed to contribute to the altered states of consciousness (the “pain high”) that can occur during intense scenes. This system relies on naturally occurring substances such as endorphins, enkephalins, and endocannabinoids. Together, they help regulate and sometimes reduce incoming pain signals.

Hopefully at this point it is needless to say that people differ considerably in how efficiently these systems operate. Some individuals naturally activate stronger pain-inhibiting responses than others, which are partially inherited factors we are simply born with (Cox, 2024).

Meaning Changes Everything

Perhaps the most fascinating discovery in modern pain science is that pain is never purely physical. The brain interprets every sensation in the context of meaning, trust, anticipation, arousal, emotional state, perceived control and previous experience.

All of these factors influence how pain is experienced. Brain imaging studies consistently show that these psychological factors can alter activity in the same neural networks that process physical pain (this mechanism partially overlaps with hypnotic analgesia and erotic hypnosis mechanisms…).

In some situations, changing the meaning of a stimulus can have effects comparable to changing the stimulus itself. This is why the same flogger stroke can feel completely different during a consensual, anticipated scene than it would during an unexpected assault. The physical sensation may be similar, but the meaning is not. And the brain responds accordingly.

Why Is It Counterproductive to Push Someone Beyond Their Limits?

Apart from the obvious fact that it is unsafe to inflict more pain than a person wants or is able to process, pushing someone beyond their limits can fundamentally change what is happening in their nervous system.

When the brain decides that a situation is no longer manageable, it can shift into a fight, flight, or freeze response. Stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline are released, and the body's threat-detection systems take over. At that point, the altered states of consciousness that many people seek through impact play often begin to disappear. Instead of facilitating the pain high, stress works against it. In other words, the nervous system stops interpreting the experience as an intense but controlled exploration of sensation and starts treating it as a threat.

The scene/session stops being an exploration of sensation and becomes an exercise in stress management.

The Take-Home Message

Pain threshold is not a measure of character, and it is certainly not a measure of how "real" a masochist someone is. Research suggests that pain sensitivity emerges from a complex interaction between genetics, nervous system function, life experience, and psychological context. Some people are biologically predisposed to experience pain more intensely, others are biologically inclined to regulate sensation as less painful.

When two masochists react differently to the same stimulus, they are not displaying different levels of toughness. They are simply experiencing different versions of reality through differently wired nervous systems.

And that is exactly why respecting someone's limits is not simply good BDSM practice: it is respecting the biology they were born with. So please do that. As a Top, respect your Receiver's limits, wherever they may be. Pain thresholds are not achievements, and they are certainly not a measure of someone's worth as a masochist.

And as a Receiver, be prepared to stand up for your own limits. Nobody should be expected to endure more pain than they want to. Being pressured to "take more," or made to feel inadequate because your threshold is lower than someone else's, is not okay.

Your limits are valid exactly where they are.