The Colours of Pain
I cannot stop being fascinated by how different people are under my floggers. Pain, such an important survival signal, brings out so many different emotions and reactions in people. This is the part of my job that keeps me curious and motivated, and fuels my fascination with the body-mind connection.
So let me share some of that colorful palette — partly because these stories deserve to be remembered, and partly because I want you to know that whatever pain brings out of you is perfectly okay. There is no "correct" reaction. The real magic lies in discovering what is uniquely yours - first and foremost for yourself.
There are those people for whom a session gets sexy. Very sexy. Some can have an energy orgasm — I have actually seen someone come without any genital touch under my floggers. Or there was this guest who asked me to tie his penis very tightly to prevent him from ejaculating. I did, and I believed him.
Some people start craving love. They want to hold me close. They need my arm, they need skin contact, they need big hugs. They crave softness in order to endure hardship.
Then there are those who get turned on. Very turned on. And they go outwards rather than inwards with their pleasure. I can tell from the fire in their eyes: they would push boundaries if they got the chance. To their great disappointment, I am very good at quickly and creatively restricting bodies. So I do exactly that. Then I marvel at their eyes — the eyes of a trapped lion while I play with its whiskers.
Some carry emotional wounds in their physical wounds. Once I had a client who had undergone heart surgery. Using the Wartenberg wheel on his healed scars took him deeper into his emotions than "anyone ever has," as he put it. The body stores emotions.
Some cry. At some point, something breaks open in them and they become deeply sad. Then, by the end of the session, they feel lighter and more alive than when they arrived.
I loooove when people let their voice out. They laugh hysterically, or they push sounds out of themselves that seem to come from an animal or an opera singer — sometimes the difference is hard to tell.
Some find it relaxing. They genuinely use it as an extended massage. Once I played with wax on someone who even had a very high pain threshold. Later, while removing the wax residue from his body, I noticed that he was practically snoring...
Then there are those whom I call "the true masochists" — the ones who find pain painful. They hate it. There isn't much of a pleasure response I can get out of their bodies. They won't tell me which tool they like ("you pick") or which pace feels comfortable ("it's all very good"). It took me a while to learn how to serve their needs, mostly ignore non-verbal feedback and simply go with the flow of "if they hate it, they will tell me."
And they do.
It turns out even these true masochists have limits. There are moments when they hate-hate, not just hate. I honestly almost have an orgasm when they book again — because they do.
Cliché, but really: no two people are the same.
This is also what keeps me out of my ego. If I stay open and curious instead of pushing my expectations and "expertise" onto a person, then the whole session becomes unique — and much more fun for both of us.
I don't believe in "training" people into a certain behaviour under pain. For me, the true magic of impact play lies in using the wisdom of the body to bring something deep to the surface. And this can only happen in a trusting, authentic connection. That’s the fun, that’s the essence of it all.
To be continued 😉