The Secondary High: Why Does it Feel so Good to Watch?
I rarely go unnoticed when I start flogging someone. Most people stay and watch the entire session. I enjoy seeing their fascination—a smile, a shift in posture, that heightened focus on us. From the corner of my eye, I notice how they unconsciously move along: they “jump” when I miss a beat, and they shift when I give my person a break after an intense round.
But why?
Satirising Franz Anton Mesmer, 1784 (unknown artist)
For a long time, I assumed it was the irresistible sound or the thrill of watching someone transform—moving from struggle to surrender, sharing intimacy, and being fully present in each moment of our play. Then I dug into the scientific literature and found some fascinating explanations for why we love watching impact play.
The Mirror Neurons
When we watch someone being flogged our brain begins to simulate what we see. This is facilitated by the mirror neurons, a special group of brain cells discovered in the 1990s, which fire not only when we do something, but also when we observe someone else doing it. That means your brain reacts to seeing it happen as if you yourself are being touched, flogged, or emotionally stirred—even while you remain still.
These neurons are central to empathy. People are not just watching—they are feeling along. This system is believed to have evolved to help humans (and primates) learn through imitation and to bond socially - we feel connected to the people we watch. Mirror neurons are involved in the early caregiver-infant relationship; when a parent instinctively knows what their baby needs, they are guided by this system. So in a way, watching a flogging scene can activate deep, nonverbal relational instincts—the parts of us that are wired to feel with others.
Arousal by Proxy - The Secondary High
While mirror neurons help us feel with others, arousal by proxy describes how we can be emotionally activated, or even euphoric by simply witnessing someone else’s intense experience. This happens via a different system: the dopaminergic reward network—the same one involved in desire, novelty, suspense, and pleasure and plays a cruical role during and impact play session too.
Watching a powerful impact scene—especially one with rhythm, intimacy, or emotional surrender—can engage this reward system. Your brain releases dopamine, the neurotransmitter of anticipation and craving, as it tracks the rhythm, the pacing, the uncertainty. It’s not just voyeurism—it’s a vicarious experience that activates the same circuits as direct participation.
Whereas mirror neurons create emotional resonance, arousal by proxy adds a layer of physiological intensity—a kind of suspense and stimulation that keeps the person watchingg deeply engaged, and sometimes even to an altered state of consciousness. I like call this state a secondary high.
Connection and Shared Energy
In a public setting watching a scene builds a shared emotional space via the mirror neurons an arousal by proxy. Spectators aren’t merely passive observers; they hold space together - often matching their breathing and posture to the rhythm of the session. You can feel the tension rise in the crowd as the impact intensifies and then release as the scene ends. That collective exhale isn’t just the end of the performance—it’s release for everyone who’s been holding that energy.
The Archetype of Soul-centered Suffering
Flogging expands the boundaries of pain, pleasure, and transformation. For spectators, witnessing someone safely explore those edges can be both moving and erotic. Carl Jung described such universal patterns as archetypes: the archetype of suffering lives in our collective unconscious, allowing us to connect through shared symbolism. There’s something profoundly compelling about watching someone move through intensity into transcendence.